Friendship in the religious life

Abstract

Experiencing the confusion and frustration transmitted to us over the centuries regarding friendship and its hazards between consecrated men and women, I became increasingly interested in the integration of man's and woman's love with consecrated love for God. Gradually I discovered that chastity in religious life did not mean being exclusively in love with God, but that the spiritual and the material complimented each other to give rise to a fulfilled self in the love of one's neighbour through Christ. In this perspective celibacy and virginity took on a new meaning and opened new horizons for me. Chastity transformed itself to a social virtue and more and more I became convinced that the religious heart should not shut itself up in sterile egoism, but open solicitously to its neighbour. For this reason I feel urged to write the following pages which are not the fabric of a dream, but echoes of lives. In fact, certain paragraphs and phrases remind me of a face, a spoken word or an encounter which has deepened my growth in the love of Christ and inspired me with the goodness and feeling of well being which results from a true mature healthy friendship. Friendship can only be established in truth and every friendship which is idealistic and which idealizes the beloved has already begun to deviate. In a friendship that is too sentimental such desires must be controlled, the relationship should transcend the need which often expresses itself in the terms: " I need you for my personal fulfillment." We must therefore free ourselves from the sense of need, so that friendship can grow and develop in the complete liberty of each partner. All desires of possession, domination or patronization should disappear [...].