A personal journey with the God of many names

Abstract

Everyone at one time or another, whether Christian or not, gives serious thought to the question of who God is and what he is like. I, no less than others, have entertained similar thoughts. As a youngster, my view of God was that of a judgmental dominant force that was always ready to pounce on me with harsh accusations whenever I faltered, and when I did, it left me with a feeling of utter incompetence, especially since in my mind God could never tolerate anyone less then perfect. This led me to make a distinction between God and Jesus, who seemed so unlike each other, which was one reason I could never make sense out of Jesus' words to the Apostle Philip, ''whoever has seen me has seen the Father". (John 14:9) Although my own faith has matured throughout the years, it has always been difficult for me to relate to a God as a father image, and since it was the only image I was presented with, it caused occasional faith blockages in moments of crises. Perhaps it is due to my struggle to come to terms with my own femininity, especially as a single woman, in what has always been considered to be a male-dominated world. It seemed no use to tamper with men's superiority, which is somehow divinised as a result of our language for God. I often found myself reflecting human defects back upon God. One of the mistakes we make when a particular metaphor for God, such as God as Father is given such staying power is that nothing else suffices, thus we compare all sorts of human qualities to that particular metaphor. Needless to say this can easily create a handicap in the relationship with the only One that can make us whole. I never fully grasped the reality of this truth than after being diagnosed with a terminal illness, which prompted me not only to seriously review my question as to who God really is, but also questions such as who I am? What is the significance of my relationship with God? Does God really have the power to heal and restore, or is God weak and limited? What does my role as a Christian woman within the church really mean to me now? Above all, I felt deeply vulnerable to all the pain and suffering in the world. There was suddenly a strong desire within me to know my true identity, as God knows it. I need to seek my personhood, especially my womanhood, in God's identity, and this requires a minimum understanding, for God cannot be fully comprehended, of what God's image says to me in my human situation, as a female, in the here and now. [...]