The effects which domestic violence has on women's relationship with their children

Abstract

The scope of this study was to see what the effects of domestic violence on the mother-child relationship are. To explore these effects I have used two case studies of battered women and their children who had been living in a shelter for some time. The information was collected through interviews carried out with the mothers and children and also through observations of their interactions together. Among the most important of my findings was the fact that, during the period when they were experiencing domestic violence, the mothers were stressed, anxious and afraid of their husband. These feelings, intermingled with fatigue and the difficult matrimonial situation, did not facilitate communication between the mother and her children. The mothers were more likely to use aggression and violence, for example, shouting and spanking, with their children when they were still at home than when they were at the shelter. In fact both mothers felt that since they left home to go to the shelter their parenting had improved considerably and their relationship with the children was more effective. Another finding is that the deterioration in the behaviour of the children, probably due to the domestic violence, worried their mothers considerably and sometimes it did hinder the relationship too. The fact that the mothers were worried about the children, even though in one case they were not in danger of physical harm, shows that even though their parenting was effected, the mothers were still empathic to their children's needs and fears. Even though domestic violence does have a negative effect on the mother-child relationship, in both the case studies once the mothers had decided to leave their husbands and go to the shelter, their relationship with their children seemed to have improved. This confirms theories by modern feminist authors (for example, Mullander & Morley, 1994; Mullander, 1996) who says that battered mothers who, when they were living with their violent partners, used excessive discipline or violence in their parenting, changed their ways once they left their home and the pressure of the domestic abuse. According to my conclusions the caring professionals who care for battered mothers, whether these are still at home or living in a shelter, should help them to cope with their children both for the well being of the mothers and also for that of their children. For example the professionals might help the mother use different methods other than aggression to discipline her children and all children at a shelter should undergo an assessment to check whether they have suffered any psychological, behavioural or physical effects which need to be addressed professionally due to the domestic violence.